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To be your own idol

Are you the person today, that you had as a role model when you were a teenager?

Are you the person today, that you have as a role model in present time?

I started to think about these two questions a while back when I heard someone say that he is exactly the person who he idolized when he was growing up and that he still thought of himself as his own role model.

It was a interesting coincidence, because about at the same time I had a interesting conversation with a person very close to me about how and why I always try to stay so calm, not screaming and don’t get angry easily.

It’s because this is the person I was as a teenager. A hard time for many of course, including me. I tried to be one of the popular kids and at the same time I was so insecure and worried what others thought of me. Scared to be the one they bullied (which happened), got angry easily (which of course made it even more fun for the other kids), screaming, rather hurt someone else than get hurt myself, scared to speak my mind and my thoughts because I thought it could be used against me somehow. So I never really trusted anyone with my feelings and thoughts and instead thought that the ones who made the most noise was the ones who knew the best and in all of this I had no idea what I was doing but probably thought that this is what it should be like.

So to answer the first question; No, I was not the role model I had as a teenager. My role model was probably some macho man. A rock hard muscle dude who tried to hide his feelings whenever someone said something hurtful and who always got a nice comeback. That or some football player, I’m not entirely sure.

Although, I think I am, and try to be, the role model I think I would have needed in those times. Someone I could have talked to about my thoughts and feelings without judgement. Someone that could have taught me that it doesn’t really matter what other people think of me. Someone that could have taught me that I am responsible for my own decisions and happiness. Someone that could have showed me the joy in movement. Someone that could have showed me that it’s better to be nice to each other that to be mean. Someone that could have told me that it’s better to be calm and think things through instead of screaming and getting angry. Someone that could have let me be me. Someone that I could have trusted.

Because growing up I learned that all those things I thought was the traits you should have, even though I never really liked them, didn’t benefit myself or the people I liked. So that I am the way I am today is not just by chance. It’s a number of conscious decisions I have made over the years to change the way I am to something that I would like to be. It’s not like I am perfect, because who and what is?

I made a lot of mistakes (and still do) and have suffered from them. Although from each and everyone I have learned something and they have changed to, what I believe, is a better person. A better human being.

So to answer the second question; Are you the person today, that you have as a role model in present time?

I have a lot of people I look up to and get inspired from. I try to be one of them.

As always, thank you for reading this nonsense about my thoughts. It’s nice to have a place to let it out and maybe there is something valuable in there to take with you and if you know someone else that you think could have some sort of benefit from this, be a good friend and send it to them.

<3

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